COMPLETELY UNRELATED

Yeeeeah!

Your boy POKER PILOT just got a little love letter from Labor Relations in my email!

Some guy Nathan says he cares about my health!

Says my sick leave is protected.

But apparently...

HE'S GOT QUESTIONS!

(Beat drops)

Got an email from Nathan, said he cares about me,

Says my sick leave's protected, yeah, contractually!

Said, "Take your time, get some rest, get yourself right!"

Then the next five paragraphs kept me up all night!

Got a fever, got the chills, got a hundred and three,

Now I'm reading corporate emails while I'm sipping my tea!

They say it's for safety, they say it's for trust,

But the timing of this memo got us laughing on the bus!

I ain't saying nothing, I ain't making a claim,

But somebody picked a funny time to play the sick leave game!

It's just a coincidence!

A perfectly innocent coincidence!

Nothing to see here, people!

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(HEY! HEY!)

Nothing coordinated!

(OKAY! OKAY!)

Contract talks are coming,

But don't get frustrated!

It's COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(WOO! WOO!)

Nobody investigated!

Just a friendly little warning,

Company-generated!

Got my chicken soup!

Got my Tylenol!

Got a seven-page memo

About a protocol!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

YEAH, WE GET IT!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

YOU ALREADY SAID IT!

Got my sick hours sitting in the bank,

Thought I'd earned 'em all, but what do I think?

Don't mess with vacation, don't disrupt PBS,

Apparently one sick day causes everybody stress!

Got a cough on a Friday? Man, what a surprise!

Better check that calendar before you close your eyes!

Sunday night fever? What a terrible shame!

Now my thermometer's got to explain its game!

I'm not making accusations, I'm just reading what's there,

But this little health reminder got the whole crew aware!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(HEY! HEY!)

Nothing coordinated!

(OKAY! OKAY!)

Contract talks are coming,

But don't get frustrated!

It's COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(WOO! WOO!)

Perfectly calculated!

Wait, did I say calculated?

I MEANT UNRELATED!

Got my chicken soup!

Got my ginger ale!

Got an email so long,

It could qualify as mail!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

WE BELIEVE YOU!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

ACHOO! BLESS YOU!

Ladies and gentlemen...

This is a very important announcement.

Your health is our number one priority.

Your sick leave is protected.

Your contract is respected.

Your seniority is sacred.

And the timing of this particular communication...

Has absolutely...

Positively...

Unequivocally...

NOTHING...

TO DO...

WITH NEGOTIATIONS.

(Long awkward silence)

Wow.

That's a LOT of words for "nothing to do with negotiations."

(Record scratch)

SUUUURE, NATHAN!

It's your boy Poker Pilot, and I'm cleared for takeoff,

Got a four-day trip and a cough I can't shake off!

They say stay home sick, and that's perfectly fair,

But why's my inbox giving me a Medicare scare?

I checked my temperature, I checked my pulse,

Then checked that email and I started to convulse!

Not from the fever, not from the flu,

But the seventeen ways they said, "We care about you!"

Now I'm not pointing fingers, not accusing a soul,

Just reading that memo with my cereal bowl!

And the funniest thing that I read all day,

Was the part where they went out of their way to say...

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NEGOTIATIONS!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(HEY! HEY!)

Nothing coordinated!

(OKAY! OKAY!)

What a strange coincidence!

Perfectly demonstrated!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

(WOO! WOO!)

Not remotely associated!

Just a harmless little memo,

Very carefully worded and dated!

Got my chicken soup!

Got my vitamin C!

Got an email from some guy

Who's concerned about me!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

EVERYBODY SAY IT!

COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

NOW WE'RE CELEBRATING!

Yeeeeah!

This has been your boy...

POKER PILOT!

Keeping the skies friendly...

And the crew room entertained!

Remember, boys and girls...

Stay healthy.

Fly safe.

Read your contract.

And above all...

DON'T LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!

(Record scratch)

Oh, and one more thing...

This song is completely unrelated...

To any upcoming negotiations.

Pure coincidence.

Absolutely nothing to see here.

POKER PILOT OUT!